I’ve had a few questions about how I get my kids to sleep at 7:00 (give or take) every night, so I’ll try my best to explain! This has really been a game-changer for us!
For reference if you don’t know my kids, Alex is almost 3 (April 4) and Christian is almost 1 (March 13).
I feel pretty hilarious as I write this because Christian is currently sleeping on my chest and has already been up twice since I put him to bed at 6:30 (it’s 11:00). He’s sick. What’s a mom to do? Cuddle. A mom is to cuddle her sick baby. And also, a mom is to get covered in boogers and drool. But, he’s currently waving at me and chatting. Asleep. Obsessed with this kid.
Anyways, let’s talk about how he usually sleeps all night now! (!!!!) extra exclamations for extra excitement!!!!
First, though, we should discuss his sleep habits before said sleep training. This one really loved to eat at night. I’m talking like 3 times a night. At 10 months old. He’s also a reeeeeeallllly loud screamer when he doesn’t get his way. So, you can imagine how it can be at 3am. It’s basically like the world is crashing down around you. Like, apocalyptic. Not exaggerating. Okay, maybe a little bit. But when you have a toddler across the hall from said screaming baby, you want the screaming to stop immediately. So, on I went feeding him to get some quiet (and a touch of sleep for all).
Well, I was pretty exhausted. Some people called me a zombie-mom (nobody called me that…to my face). I was so desperate for a full night’s rest, so I posted in my mom forum on Facebook, begging for some advice on sleep training a strong willed baby because I knew Christian wasn’t giving up without a fight.
My girlfriend came to my rescue and sent me this book, The Sleepsense Program (thank you, Cassie!!!!). She said she was using it with her twins (super mom!) so, I thought I’d give it a shot. I loved how this book helped me to overcome the guilt (I talk about that farther down) of letting my baby cry. It’s all about teaching them a life skill; falling asleep on their own, so you aren’t constantly having to put them back to sleep. She really gives a lot of detail and research to back everything up, which I love. It’s not a one size fits all program either. There are options for you to modify to what you feel comfortable doing. Also, I was shocked to find out that teething doesn’t really affect sleep all that much. I know! My life has been a lie!
So, anyways. Basically, what I took away was that this was a gentler approach to cry-it-out. You can follow this process while you stay in the room with your little one or you can do the “leave and check” method. Whichever is best for you and your child. We went with the leave and check method because I do not have the willpower to be in the same room as my crying baby. Fair warning: there will be tears. Some from you. Some from baby. But, keep your eye on the prize, it took about a week for us! I also didn’t follow everything rigidly. I’m a big believer in making sure everything you do feels right TO YOU. Don’t do just whatever a book says because that book doesn’t know your child. You are the best judge of your baby. If you totes can’t take another moment of crying, go in. I did and even gave him a bottle (just make sure they stay awake!) and he was still doing great with sleeping after that. Trust your gut, moms and dads.
So, what have we changed to better the boys sleeping habits?
1. Set a bedtime. We really try to stick to a bed time. Obviously, some nights are later (or earlier) than others (like when the monkey jammies aren’t dry yet & some people can’t sleep without their monkey jammies), but usually the boys are in their rooms/bed no later than 7:15. Christian has been going a little earlier lately, around 6:45. This is what works for our boys. Your kiddos might do later or even earlier, but this is when they start showing signs of tiredness on the regular.
2. Routine. I used to be so not a routine person. Probably explains why my kids didn’t used sleep very well. But now we try to keep it very similar every night. I can feel the difference in the mood if we are late or skip something (mostly with Alex at this point). We do bath (most nights), jammies, story, songs and tuck in for Alex, then bottle/songs for Christian and tuck in for Christian. Like I said, lately Christian has been going to bed a touch earlier than Alex, but this is just a typical evening for us. Also, when we tuck in, the kids are AWAKE, so they put themselves to sleep. Amazing.
3. Don’t rush in. This is more for Christian than Alex. Christian tends to put himself back to sleep most of the time when he wakes in the middle of the night. Alex doesn’t usually wake up, so when he does, we kind of go right in to him. This is totally a kid by kid basis. I’m a do what feels right parenting type, so I know when a cry needs attention and when it is probably nothing. Also, when they’re sick, throw everything to the wind. See: above description of snot and drool.
4. Guilt free zone. Seriously, this has been my biggest hurdle when it comes to sleep training. I feel soooooo guilty letting my babies cry. It’s heart wrenching. But, I also know that I’m trying to teach them a life skill, so I’m torn. After the first night, I usually feel okay about my decision because your baby will a) still love you in the morning and b) not remember the crying. Also, keep repeating the life skill thing. It helps.
5. No more boobs. I in no way am saying you should stop nursing. Nursing is such a wonderful thing, but after a lot of thought, we decided it would be best if I stopped breastfeeding Christian. We had a great 11 month run and I’m very proud of that, but I felt like sleep training would go better (and a few other issues would be resolved) if we switched to bottles. This way, he didn’t expect food just because I was in the room. He was pretty mad at first, but it has been working really well for us.
All-in-all friends, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course you will have sick nights and bad nights and naptime is a whole other story, but I’m so glad that I finally got the guts to sleep train Christian. We are all happier people for it. Who doesn’t love a solid nights sleep?? John and I get more time together in the evening. We are usually like “Whoa, it’s only 7:30, what should we do??” Then we go to bed at 9:30. #oldmarriedcouple
I hope this gives you some encouragement and direction if you are looking to sleep train your child. If you have any questions at all, feel free to email me or comment here! I’d love to hear from you! And I totally recommend The Sleep Sense Program (nobody is even paying me to say that so you know I mean it!). I’m no expert, but I like to give you community in your misery of no sleep 🙂 I’ve totally been there (not long ago, literally like 2 weeks ago, the pain is still fresh; remember this delirious post?) and can empathize with how you are feeling. I repeat, I AM NO EXPERT. Let’s leave that to the book writers 🙂
How did you sleep train your kiddos? Did you have to or were you blessed with wonderful sleepers straight out of the womb (I’m not glaring at you at all…)? I’d love to hear your methods!
I hope you have a great (& restful) weekend!
Xo
Sam
